5 Common Myths About Grief Debunked

When you’re grieving, well-meaning people often share advice that sounds helpful but is actually based on misconceptions. These myths about grief can make you feel like you’re grieving “wrong” or that something’s wrong with you. Let’s set the record straight on five common myths that can hinder your healing process.

For a comprehensive understanding of grief, also read our guide on grief and how to cope.

Myth No. 1: Grief and Mourning Are the Same Thing

The Reality: Grief and mourning are related but distinctly different experiences.

Grief is what we’re feeling internally – the emotional response to loss. It’s the sadness, anger, confusion, and all the other feelings that wash over you when someone you love dies.

Mourning is the outward expression of that grief. It’s how we show our feelings through actions like crying, talking about the person who died, attending a funeral, or creating memorials.

Why This Matters

Understanding this difference is crucial because mourning – the external expression – is essential for healing. You can experience grief without mourning, but suppressing the outward expression often prolongs emotional pain. Cultural expectations sometimes discourage mourning, telling people to “stay strong” or “keep it together,” which can actually prevent healthy grief processing.

Myth No. 2: There Are Predictable Stages of Grief

The Reality: The famous “five stages of grief” aren’t a roadmap everyone follows.

Many people have heard of the stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance – and expect their grief to follow this neat progression. The truth is, each person’s grief process is unique to their individual circumstances and personality. What one person experiences may be completely different from another.

What Grief Really Looks Like

You might experience:

Multiple emotions simultaneously
Emotions in a different order than expected
Some emotions intensely and others not at all
Waves of grief that come and go unpredictably
Different emotions on different days, or even different hours

There’s no “correct” way to grieve, and you’re not failing if your experience doesn’t match a textbook description. Learn more about different types of grief that people experience.

Myth No. 3: Grief and Mourning Should Be Avoided or Overcome Quickly

The Reality: Trying to avoid grief or “get over it” quickly can cause more harm than good.

It’s not unusual for others – or even ourselves – to think we should overcome grief and mourning as quickly as possible. Society often expects people to “move on” within a few weeks or months. This pressure can lead to repression of feelings and actually increase emotional pain.

The Danger of Suppressing Grief

When you try to avoid or suppress grief:

Emotions don’t disappear; they often emerge later in unhealthy ways
Physical health can deteriorate from unprocessed stress
Relationships may suffer as you isolate yourself
The healing process is delayed, not accelerated
You may develop complicated grief that requires professional intervention

If you recognise these patterns in yourself or someone you care about, read our guide on when to seek help for grief.

Grieving and mourning aren’t obstacles to overcome – they’re the path through which healing happens.

Myth No. 4: Tears Are a Sign of Weakness

The Reality: Crying is a natural, healthy, and important expression of grief.

Many people, particularly men, are taught that tears indicate weakness. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Crying is a natural physiological response to emotional pain and an important way to express your feelings.

Why Crying Matters

Tears release stress hormones and toxins from the body
Crying can provide emotional relief and reduce tension
It’s a form of communication that lets others know you need support
Suppressing tears can lead to physical symptoms like headaches and fatigue

Others may feel helpless when you cry, not knowing how to comfort you. That discomfort is part of their grief response – it doesn’t mean you should stop crying. Allow yourself to cry when you need to, whether that’s in private or with trusted people around you.

Myth No. 5: You’ll Eventually Get Over Grief and Move On

The Reality: You don’t “get over” losing someone you love – you learn to live with the loss.

For some people, their loss is so profound that they may never fully come to terms with it. This doesn’t mean they can’t find peace or happiness again. They may become accustomed to the loss as feelings become less intense over time, but the person will always hold a place in their heart.

Learning to Live Again

Learning to live again – even though life is different from before – begins to happen when you’re able to focus a bit more on the future. This capability doesn’t mean you’ll forget the person who has died. It’s about adjusting to the reality of life without them physically present.

You’re not “moving on” from the person; you’re moving forward with their memory as part of who you are.

Understanding What Healthy Grief Looks Like

Now that we’ve debunked these myths, what does healthy grief actually involve?

Healthy Grief Includes:

Allowing yourself to feel whatever emotions arise
Expressing your grief in ways that feel natural to you
Taking the time you need without rushing the process
Seeking support from others when you need it
Honouring your loved one’s memory in meaningful ways
Gradually adapting to life without them
Being patient with yourself on difficult days

Signs You Might Need Professional Support:

Grief that doesn’t ease after many months
Inability to function in daily life
Thoughts of self-harm
Severe depression or anxiety
Using substances to cope
Feeling completely stuck and unable to move forward

Learn more about recognising when you need help.

How We Can Help

Jonathan Hepner Funerals

We’re here to assist you, your family, and friends. Our staff are trained and experienced, with resources available at any time you may need them. Whether it’s immediately after a loss or years down the track, we’re here to listen and support you. Call us on (03) 5223 3100.

If you’re also managing funeral arrangements, our funeral planning checklist can help guide you through the practical tasks.

Additional Support Services

Hope Bereavement Care Geelong Free counselling and support for anyone in the Geelong region who has experienced the sudden death of a loved one.

Lifeline (13 11 14) 24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention services.

Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) Mental health support and information about anxiety and depression.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long is it normal to grieve?

There’s no “normal” timeline for grief. Some people begin to feel better after a few months, whilst others grieve intensely for years. Both are valid experiences. If your grief significantly interferes with daily functioning for an extended period, consider seeking professional support.

Is it okay to have good days while grieving?

Absolutely. Grief isn’t constant – you’ll have moments of joy, laughter, and normalcy mixed in with the pain. These good moments don’t mean you’ve forgotten your loved one or that you’re not grieving properly.

What if I’m not crying? Does that mean I’m not grieving?

Not everyone expresses grief through tears. Some people process grief internally, through anger, numbness, or by staying busy. As long as you’re not suppressing your emotions entirely, there’s no “right” way to express grief.

Can I grieve too much?

Whilst there’s no timeline for grief, if your grief is so intense that you cannot function in daily life for an extended period (typically 6-12 months or longer), it may be complicated grief requiring professional support.

Why do some people seem to handle grief better than others?

Everyone’s grief capacity and coping mechanisms are different, influenced by factors like previous losses, support systems, personality, the nature of the relationship, and circumstances of the death. Comparing your grief to others’ isn’t helpful – focus on your own journey.