How to Write and Present a Eulogy: A Complete Guide

Being asked to deliver a eulogy is both an honour and a responsibility. It can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re grieving yourself. This guide will walk you through everything you need to know about writing and presenting a eulogy that honours your loved one’s memory and brings comfort to those gathered to remember them.

For quick, practical tips, see our words of remembrance guide. If you’re helping someone who is grieving, offering to help with a eulogy can be valuable support.

What Is a Eulogy?

The word ‘eulogy’ simply means what is good about a person’s life. It’s presented within the funeral service at a time chosen by the family, clergy, or celebrant. A eulogy serves several purposes:

Celebrates the person’s life and achievements
Shares meaningful memories with those gathered
Helps paint a picture of who they were
Provides comfort to mourners
Creates a lasting tribute to their memory

A eulogy should be as individual as the person who has passed away. There’s no single “right” way to present one – the best eulogies are authentic, personal, and reflect the unique personality of the deceased.

For guidance on what to say at a funeral more broadly, we have additional resources.

Who Should Present a Eulogy?

It can be challenging to write or deliver a eulogy when you’ve been closely involved. You may be asked to do this as:

A loved one (spouse, child, sibling, parent)
A close family friend
A colleague representing their professional life
A community member reflecting their social involvement
Multiple people, each sharing different aspects of their life

You don’t have to accept: If you’re asked but feel unable to speak publicly whilst grieving, it’s perfectly acceptable to decline. You might instead:

Write a eulogy for someone else to read
Share written memories to be included in the service
Contribute stories for the celebrant to incorporate

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and unsure whether you can manage it emotionally, read our guide on recognising when you need help for grief.

How Long Should a Eulogy Be?

Ideal length: 3-5 minutes, which translates to roughly 500-1000 words or 2-3 pages double-spaced.

This timeframe is long enough to share meaningful content but short enough to maintain the audience’s attention and manage your own emotions. If multiple people are speaking, aim for the shorter end of this range.

For information on overall funeral service timing, we have a dedicated guide.

Step 1: Collect Details for Your Story

Before you start writing, gather information and memories that will form the foundation of your eulogy.

Your Personal Connection

Reflect on your relationship with the person who died:

How did you meet?

The circumstances of your first meeting
First impressions or memorable early interactions
How your relationship developed over time

What did you most admire about them?

Character traits that stood out
How they approached life’s challenges
Their values and principles
Qualities others may not have seen

What will you miss the most?

Specific habits or quirks
Advice they gave or support they provided
Shared rituals or traditions
Their presence in your life

Do you have specific memories you’d like to share?

Funny or heartwarming anecdotes
Moments that defined who they were
Stories that demonstrate their character
Experiences that connected you

Biographical Facts

Gather factual information to provide context:

Age and birth/death dates
Marriage dates and anniversaries
Places they lived
Children, grandchildren, and family
Education and career
Hobbies, interests, and passions
Community involvement
Achievements and milestones

Tip: Talk to other family members and friends to gather stories you might not know. Different people saw different sides of your loved one.

Step 2: Organise Your Story

Once you’ve gathered information, look for patterns or common themes. These could be serious or light-hearted reflections on the person’s life or personality.

Find the Through-Lines

Common themes might include:

Their sense of humour or optimism
Dedication to family
Professional excellence or work ethic
Kindness and generosity
Resilience through challenges
Love of learning or adventure
Faith or spiritual beliefs
Impact on their community

Understanding different types of grief can also help you understand how their loss has affected people differently.

Choose Your Structure

The format of the eulogy will be influenced by what you’ve decided to share. Some effective structures include:

Chronological – Life Story Version Present their life in order of events, from birth through their final chapter. This works well when their life had distinct phases or significant milestones.

Reverse Chronological Begin with the present and work backward in time. This can be powerful for highlighting how they touched lives right up to the end.

Three or Four-Point Plan Decide on three or four key qualities or themes and choose the order for presenting them. For example: “John was a devoted father, a passionate teacher, and a loyal friend.”

Theme-Based Approach Choose an overarching theme and give examples, anecdotes, and stories to explain and illustrate it. For example: “Sarah lived by the principle that kindness costs nothing.”

Story-Driven Narrative String together meaningful stories that, taken together, paint a picture of who they were.

Step 3: Write Your Eulogy

Now it’s time to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). Writing a eulogy presents an opportunity to help you deal with your own loss by revisiting emotions that are relevant to the healing process and getting your memories and feelings expressed.

What to Include

Opening:

Introduce yourself and your relationship to the deceased
Acknowledge the sadness of the occasion
Express gratitude for being asked to speak

Body:

Share the themes or stories you’ve organized
Include specific examples and anecdotes
Balance humour and sentiment appropriately
Mention important relationships and people

Closing:

Summarise what they meant to you and others
Share final thoughts or lessons from their life
Offer comfort to those gathered
Say a final goodbye

What to Avoid

There are no firm rules for what to say or how to put together a eulogy, however, our advice would be:

Focus on life, not death: Concentrate on the person’s life rather than on their death or how they may have died, as this can be deeply personal to others in attendance.

Avoid inside jokes: References only a few people understand can alienate the wider audience.

Be mindful of family dynamics: Particularly in complicated family situations, focus on the positive without glossing over reality.

Don’t air grievances: A funeral isn’t the place to settle scores or reveal uncomfortable truths.

Limit religious content (unless appropriate): If the deceased wasn’t religious, extensive religious content may feel inauthentic.

Writing Tips

Think of the person and your audience: A memorable eulogy doesn’t only tell the history of a person but brings them to life, giving your audience information and something by which to remember them.

Use specific details: Instead of “He loved gardening,” try “He could spend hours in his rose garden, often emerging covered in dirt but beaming with pride over a perfect bloom.”

Include their voice: If they had favourite sayings or expressions, include them to help people “hear” them again.

Balance emotion with composure: It’s okay to be emotional, but structure your eulogy so you can get through it.

Read it aloud as you write: This helps ensure it sounds natural and flows well.

Step 4: Prepare for Delivery

Practice Your Speech

Rehearse multiple times:

Read it aloud repeatedly
Practice in front of a mirror
Record yourself and listen back
Rehearse in front of a trusted friend or family member

Practice and become familiar with the delivery of your speech so you will be comfortable presenting it. Don’t worry if you can’t memorise it – you are not expected to.

Mark your script:

Highlight particularly emotional parts
Note where to pause for breath or effect
Mark places where you might need a moment

Don’t worry about memorisation: You’re not expected to memorize it. Print your notes and refer to them as often as needed. There’s no shame in reading directly from your pages.

Managing Your Emotions

It’s okay to cry: Tears are natural and expected. Don’t apologise for them. Remember, tears aren’t a weakness – they’re a healthy expression of grief.

Have a backup plan:

Ask someone to be ready to step in if you can’t continue
Have water nearby
Bring tissues
Take your time – pause when you need to

If you lose your words or become emotional: There will be people to support you. Pause, take a few breaths, and carry on when you’re ready.

Practical Preparation

Print your eulogy clearly:

Use a large, readable font (14-16pt)
Double-space the lines
Number your pages
Use a font you find easy to read

Bring backup copies: Have an extra copy in case you drop or lose the first.

Arrive early: Give yourself time to settle, test the microphone, and compose yourself.

Know the setup:

Will there be a lectern?
Is there a microphone?
Where will you stand?
How will you get there?

If you’re also managing funeral planning, coordinate these details with the funeral director.

The Difference Between a Eulogy and Words of Remembrance

Many people wonder about the distinction:

Eulogy:

Typically longer (3-5 minutes)
More comprehensive overview of the person’s life
Often delivered by one person
Usually includes biographical information
Formal tribute

Words of Remembrance:

Often shorter (1-3 minutes)
Focused personal reflection or specific memory
Multiple people might share brief words
Less formal structure
More conversational in tone

Both are valuable tributes. Some funerals include one eulogy and several people offering words of remembrance.

Sample Eulogy Structures

Example 1: Three-Point Structure

“Sarah was three things above all else: a devoted mother, an inspiring teacher, and a loyal friend. As a mother, she… [share story]. As a teacher, she… [share story]. As a friend, she… [share story]. These qualities defined Sarah and touched everyone who knew her.”

Example 2: Theme-Based

“If I had to choose one word to describe Tom, it would be ‘generous.’ He was generous with his time… [story]. Generous with his wisdom… [story]. And generous with his love… [story]. This generosity created ripples that will continue long after he’s gone.”

Example 3: Chronological Highlights

“Margaret’s 85 years were filled with adventure. Born in 1940… [early life]. As a young woman, she… [career/family]. In her later years, she… [retirement/grandchildren]. Each chapter of her life was marked by…”

What to Say When You’re Asked to Speak at a Funeral

If you’ve been asked to deliver a eulogy but are unsure whether to accept, consider these points:

It’s an Honour

Being asked means the family trusts you to represent an important part of their loved one’s life. It’s recognition of your meaningful relationship.

You Can Decline

If the thought of public speaking whilst grieving feels too overwhelming, it’s perfectly acceptable to say no. You might offer to:

Write something for someone else to read
Contribute stories to the celebrant
Share your memories privately with the family

You Can Accept with Support

If you want to speak but are worried about emotions:

Ask someone to be on standby to finish if needed
Request to speak early in the service before emotions peak
Have the celebrant introduce breaks in your speech for readings or music

On the Day: Delivery Tips

Before You Speak

Compose yourself:

Take deep breaths
Have water nearby
Remind yourself why you’re doing this
Know it’s okay to be emotional

Remember your audience: Public speaking can be difficult, especially at a funeral service. Remember that you’ll be surrounded by loving family and friends who want you to succeed and will support you if you struggle.

While Speaking

Pace yourself:

Speak slowly and clearly
Pause between sections
Don’t rush through emotional parts
Make eye contact with supportive faces

Use the microphone: If there’s a microphone, use it so everyone can hear you, especially elderly guests.

Don’t apologise for emotions: If you cry or need to pause, that’s natural. The audience understands.

If you lose your place:

Take a breath
Look at your notes
It’s okay to say “Bear with me for a moment”
Continue when you’re ready

After You Speak

Know you did well: A eulogy may be one of the most difficult speeches you’ll deliver, but your audience will also be one of the most supportive. They’ll be sharing your difficulty. Giving a eulogy is a noble gesture that people will appreciate, admire, and remember. The fact that you showed up and spoke from the heart is what matters – perfection isn’t expected.

Getting Feedback and Support

Before the Funeral

Obtain feedback from those you trust: Family and friends can offer another viewpoint or share memories that will enhance your eulogy. Often another person’s perspective assists you in creating a more complete picture.

Review with the celebrant: If possible, share your eulogy with the celebrant or funeral director. They can:

Ensure nothing contradicts other elements of the service
Suggest helpful adjustments
Provide reassurance and support

If You Need Professional Help

We’re here to assist you with this important task. Contact us if you need:

Guidance on structure or content
Someone to review your draft
Advice on managing emotions during delivery
Technical support on the day
A backup reader if needed

Additional Resources and Support

Writing Assistance

If you’re struggling to write:

Our funeral directors can guide you through the process
Celebrants often help families craft eulogies
There are professional eulogy writers available
Templates and examples can provide structure

Emotional Support

Remember, writing and delivering a eulogy can be emotionally taxing:

Allow yourself time to process emotions that arise
Don’t hesitate to ask for help
It’s therapeutic for many people
Your tribute helps others in their grief too

Learn more about grief and how to cope.

Final Thoughts: The Impact of Your Words

A eulogy is a gift to:

The deceased: Honouring their memory
The family: Providing comfort and validation
The attendees: Helping them remember and process their loss
Yourself: Processing your own grief through expression

Your words don’t need to be perfect. They need to be honest, heartfelt, and authentic. The fact that you cared enough to stand up and speak is what matters most.

Need Help? We’re Here for You

Contact Jonathan Hepner Funerals for support:

Phone: (03) 5223 3100
Email: admin@jhfunerals.com.au
Address: 199 Ormond Rd, East Geelong VIC 3219

Whether you need help writing your eulogy, want someone to review it, or need reassurance about delivery, we’re here to guide you through this important tribute.

Frequently Asked Questions

What if I’m too emotional to finish the eulogy?

Have a backup person designated who can step in if needed. Let the celebrant know beforehand. Most importantly, don’t worry – everyone understands the emotional difficulty of the task.

Can more than one person deliver a eulogy?

Absolutely. Multiple eulogies from different perspectives (family, friends, colleagues) can create a richer picture of the person’s life. Just coordinate to avoid repetition and keep individual tributes to 3-5 minutes each.

Should I include humour in a eulogy?

Yes, if it’s appropriate to the person’s character. Gentle humour that celebrates their personality can provide relief and help people remember happy times. Avoid anything that might offend or embarrass.

What if I didn’t know the person well but have been asked to speak?

Focus on the specific relationship or context you did share. For example, a colleague might speak about their professional life and work relationships, which is valuable even if you didn’t know their personal life.

How do I handle controversial or difficult aspects of someone’s life?

Focus on the positive without being dishonest. You can acknowledge challenges they faced without dwelling on them: “Despite facing many difficulties, they always…” Speak to the celebrant if you’re unsure.

Is it better to memorize the eulogy or read it?

Reading is perfectly acceptable and often preferable. Most people find it too difficult to memorize whilst grieving. Having your script ensures you don’t forget important points and gives you something to hold onto physically.